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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27744196">loss and permanence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolivagantStories/pseuds/SolivagantStories'>SolivagantStories</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Renewal AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Death, Fight first cry later, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, It stays in the pit, Loss of Trust, Techno regrets it and I will die on that hill, Tommy goes feral, Wilbur’s insane guys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:48:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27744196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolivagantStories/pseuds/SolivagantStories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tubbo dies during the festival. Permanently. </p><p>Tommy can’t really seem to wrap his mind around the fact that he’s gone. Dead. Killed by his own brother.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Renewal AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>877</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>loss and permanence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is kinda an accompaniment to my other fic ‘a renewal of faith and of family’ but it can be read on its own. </p><p>Also, Niki isn’t in this fic because she couldn’t make herself go to Pogtopia after Tubbo’s death. She stayed behind to have a small funeral by herself.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moment Tommy realized Tubbo had died permanently was the worst moment of his life. He’d been through war after war, but the way his entire world had crumbled in that split second was worse than any of it. </p><p>It’d been a second, minute, hour, day of him just... processing. Shellshocked. </p><p>It didn’t feel real, the way Schlatt cackled, taunted. </p><p>“You think he’s coming back? That’s cute. His respawn bed was in the middle of my land, of course I took advantage! It wouldn’t have that dramatic flair otherwise, right?” </p><p>Tommy hadn’t been able to see anything but the way Tubbo had stared at him in those last moments. The way he’d disappeared, but not before he’d screamed, so loud and raw that Tommy had used a pearl out of instinct. He’d fought the hardest he’d ever had that night, watching as Techno didn’t stop with Tubbo. </p><p>He’d massacred everyone. </p><p>But the difference was that Tubbo. Wasn’t. Coming. Back. </p><p>Schlatt’s laughter rang in his ears as he ran away, back towards Pogtopia. Back towards false safety and an insane Wilbur and a ravine that made his claustrophobia act up. </p><p>He was numb. Numb and gone and dead. He wasn’t alive, he couldn’t be, this was hell. This was his personal hell, where his best friend, his brother, was dead. </p><p>Dead and gone and dead by his own brothers’ hands. </p><p>Techno wasn’t there when he got back. Tommy distantly had the brainpower to be relieved before he crumbled against a far corner and just... stared. </p><p>He stared at the stony walls. At the haphazard chests. </p><p>And all he could think was, this is my fault. </p><p>It’s all my fault, I should’ve said yes to running away, we would be free—</p><p>Then Wilbur walked up next to him, materialized out of nowhere, and all of the emotions he had no idea how to use, all of the blame and sadness and fear and anger, especially anger, found a way to manifest. </p><p>This was HIS fault. </p><p>This was Wilbur’s idea. Tubbo being a spy, Tubbo having that speech with the code words, all of this was his fault. </p><p>(And even if it wasn’t entirely accurate, he didn’t care.) </p><p>Wilbur had the audacity to look fine. He looked fine and happy and not like one of his brothers had just died. Not that Wilbur had ever cared about Tubbo anyway. Tommy could remember how he’d pushed him away in favor of furthering the war. </p><p>A peace loving little brother wasn’t convenient when starting a nation, after all. </p><p>Tommy lurched upwards, lurched to his feet, and swung. He didn’t stop to listen to Wilbur. Didn’t stop to ask any questions. He just swung. </p><p>Wilbur went down with a surprised cry, as if he hadn’t expected Tommy to be mad. As if it didn’t matter that Tubbo was dead, dead, dead, and never coming back—</p><p>Tommy crawled on top of Wilbur like a wild animal, grabbing at anything he could make contact with to pull him forward. It was wild, raw, and when he opened his mouth all he could do was scream. He balled a hand into a fist and swung, listening to the way Wilbur’s head cracked as it hit the stone beneath them. </p><p>The sound didn’t help the pain in his chest, but it did make something primal within him grin.</p><p>Tommy could feel tears spilling down his cheeks, could feel the way every breath shook, and he grit his teeth. He swung again, blind and full of so much emotion that it barely did anything. </p><p>He shook, and every time he blinked all he could hear was Wilbur taunting Tubbo. Calling him a yes man. Was that the last thing Tubbo had heard Wilbur, his own brother, say? </p><p>What had Tommy’s last words been to him? He couldn’t remember. </p><p>Tommy wished he could go back. Rewind time. He’d sit on that stupid bench. He’d stare Tubbo straight in the eyes, and he’d run. He’d run away from this stupid war, and he’d be free. </p><p>All of the fight rushed out of him with a single breath, and Tommy shuddered, slipping off of Wilbur onto the stony floor. For the first time he registered the blood under his fingernails, how Wilbur’s face and arms looked ravaged. </p><p>He couldn’t find it within himself to care. </p><p>Tommy sat on that stone floor, and thought. He thought and thought and remembered. </p><p>As much as he hated Wilbur, hated Techno, hated himself, he knew who the true murderer was. </p><p>Schlatt. </p><p>Just the name made a rush of adrenaline course through him. Tommy stood drunkenly, stepping over Wilbur, who might have passed out sometime between when they’d fought and now. Distantly, he thought he heard Wilbur groan, but he didn’t listen. Didn’t care. </p><p>He walked over to the chests, threw one open. He grabbed at the first weapon he found, the familiar feeling of a blade in his hand grounding him. </p><p>Yes. </p><p>He had a purpose. He didn’t care about this stupid war, anymore. He didn’t care about the disks. He didn’t even care about L’Manberg. </p><p>He’d rest when Tubbo was avenged. When Schlatt was dying a slow death, run through by Tommy’s blade. </p><p>He didn’t smile, but it was a close thing. </p><p>He turned, froze. </p><p>There, standing across from him, was Techno. He looked tired, worn. His crown was absent and his cape torn. He was staring at Wilbur, at the blood coating his arms and face. </p><p>Then he looked straight at Tommy, just as stoic as always. </p><p>“...I’m sorry, Tommy.” </p><p>The words made something snap, and Tommy lurched forward, only just able to stop himself from full on attacking Techno. He grit his teeth, growling. </p><p>Schlatt may be the murderer, but Techno was the tool. </p><p>“Get in the pit.” </p><p>Tommy could barely recognize his own voice. It was low, angry. A growl. Techno blinked, eyes widening. He actually looked surprised, but Tommy didn’t find any pride in making him show emotion. Instead he pushed forward, knocking his shoulder against Techno’s. </p><p>He could barely stop himself from reacting at the touch. He wanted so badly to rip Techno’s face off. To make him feel just as much pain as Tubbo had. </p><p>He crawled into the pit, the one he’d never really thought about much before, and leveled his sword. </p><p>He watched as Techno slipped in after him, ears flicking nervously. Good. He should be nervous. </p><p>Being nervous was the least he could do, after killing Tubbo. After burning him, after making him scream from pain. Tommy blinked and he could see his friend bleeding out, dying a slow death before he vanished, never to be seen again. </p><p>Tommy grinned, feral and painful. He watched Techno draw his own sword, though it was hesitant. </p><p>“I was— I was peer pressured, Tommy,” Techno said, “I didn’t want to kill him.” </p><p>Tommy growled, narrowing his eyes. </p><p>“Oh sure,” he said, “Sure, suuure. It’s not like you could’ve killed everyone else in the blink of an eye. No, you wanted to kill him, your own brother! You’re a monster! Something’s wrong with you!” </p><p>Tommy prepped his sword, watching as the enchantment gleamed in the low light. </p><p>“...Maybe after you die a few times, after you suffer like you made Tubbo suffer, you’ll be fixed! You won’t kill your brothers anymore!” </p><p>Tommy barely understood what he was saying. He was spewing nonsense, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about the talking, what he cared about was running Techno through. </p><p>He’d avenge Tubbo, even if he had to fight the whole world to do so.</p>
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